I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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