Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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