Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
