I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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