i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
