tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
