as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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