...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
