I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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