I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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