so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
