my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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