We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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