Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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