My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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