My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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