At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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