I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
jump out the window naked night went bad
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