Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
