don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
