my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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