the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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