i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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