i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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