My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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