watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
