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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this just has baby written all over it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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