i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
