I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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