you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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