Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she peed on how many people?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
