i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
being pregnant is like rehab
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry about my life...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
