Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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