Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
