Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We got so high we made milksteak
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
