i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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