Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
