I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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