I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
