i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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