its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
