Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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