why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
