How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
