Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
