Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
