He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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