i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
