So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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