Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
