Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I touched a dick in church today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
