I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
