What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
