I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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