Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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