i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
