i was born a porn star she said
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
