just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
