my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
