Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
